I compared my query letter with the one that Kylie helped me write. There's a couple of things I noticed about hers.
1. It's creative: it tells the plot in a unique way uses clever phrases
2. It's snappy: it reads like the back of a novel - quick and to the point, but enough to make you want to read more
3. Formatting: she put the title and character's names in CAPITAL letters - reads easy
4. It's non-academic: this is something I struggle with in my writing. After 18+ years of formalized schooling, which required endless research papers, thesis, and term papers, breaking out of the formal style was hard for me.
Going back to work on the query letter.
I hope my next project will be ready to mail out by March!